July 10, 2008

This morning, I worked on flexing Billie. I put her halter on, added the long lead rope, and then grabbed the halter and used that to make her flex through the poll to each side.

I started back with this basic so that I can perhaps get back to using the rope to make her spin back on herself.

I think that I've hit a wall of sorts. It's not really a wall, but look at it this way: That first month I had Billie were phenomenal. I was quickly able to pet her, then brush her, then pick up her feet, start leading her around the pen...I think I expected everything to move as quickly. She was amazing me every day.

She still amazes me. But I want progress, and I want it now! I want to be able to walk her around outside the pen, and it really surprised me at how much her being keyed up surprised me and worrried me. I've been asking everyone I know what to do next, what to do next, like there is some magic formula and I've skipped some step and am trying to get back on track.

After talking to a friend today, I realized something. She's a horse, she's a baby, she's wild, and OF COURSE she is going to be worried about things, startle at things, get keyed up about things. That's just to be expected. MY job is to understand and expect these reactions and take them in stride. It's no big deal. I'm not the reason she's reacting; she's just reacting as any normal horse exposed to something new, scary, strange, etc., will react.

I've wondered at the calm that I see in the horse trainers on the videos I watch. Of course they are calm--they've seen this a million times before; it's expected; it's normal. I've been beating myself up for my reaction, but really, that's normal, too.

What I have to do better is to think through more than just my plan for what I want to try with Billie on any given day. I need to realize and predict that, yes, she will likely react strongly when I introduce anything new. I need to be ready for that reaction, expect that reaction, and when it happens, know that it is a normal thing for any horse to react this way to this new thing, and that it, too, will pass. I can keep myself out of the way and safe, and keep Billie safe, with my prep. So what if I've not had to handle it a million times already and not had to chance to become de-sensitized to her reaction? I'm the one walking on two legs, so I'm smart enough to fake it; fake calm; fake that I know what I'm doing; fake that I was expecting exactly that reaction because it has happened that way so many times before. And if I'm a good enough faker, maybe Billie will realize there is nothing to be reacting to, and we'll be back on track and moving right along.

I got lucky and lulled into a sense of how easy my mustang was going to be to halter break based on how easy this all started out. I think the mustang I have now is more like what I had expected before I brought Billie home. It will all work out. I have a better plan now.